By Joe Vanden Acker, Director of Athletic Media Relations
    APPLETON, Wis. -- When Lawrence University volleyball player Kali Pfannerstill walks into Alexander Gymnasium, it's like stepping inside her own head and heart.
    A flood of memories, a mix of joy and sadness and a burning desire to excel for one person, her mother, fill her mind.
    "Whenever I walk into a gym, I think about what happened to her," said Pfannerstill a sophomore defensive specialist for the Vikings. "She was my coach for a long time. She played with us, got me and my sister into the sport. Whenever I step into the gym, it's something I consciously think about, I have to play for my mom. From an everyday standpoint, I think a lot of what I do, whether it's related to school or helping out with family responsibilities, is to make her proud."
    Pfannerstill's mother, Jennifer Spicuzza-Pfannerstill, died of breast cancer in July 2018. The Vikings will honor her Friday night at the Dig Pink breast cancer awareness match against Grinnell College. Spicuzza-Pfannerstill, class of 1995, played volleyball for the Vikings on her way to earning a degree in chemistry from Lawrence. 
    "She talked about (Lawrence) all the time," Pfannerstill said of her mom. "She just loved the campus, and it was a place she thoroughly enjoyed."
    Spicuzza-Pfannerstill was initially diagnosed with cancer when her daughter was in seventh grade during the 2014-15 academic year. Pfannerstill said her mother underwent treatment and was doing well.
    "She beat it, and we were all good to go," Pfannerstill said. 
    The cancer returned in early 2018 and doctors told Spicuzza-Pfannerstill it had spread. Six months later the cancer had taken her life.
    "It was very unbelievably quick," Pfannerstill said.
    Pfannerstill's mother knew former Lawrence volleyball coach Matt Schoultz, and Pfannerstill reached out to him shortly after her mother died. She visited the campus and committed to attending Lawrence in the fall of 2018.     
    "You're supposed to make your college decision for yourself, but seeing my mom get sick again, there was something about going to Lawrence that made me feel that decision was right," Pfannerstill said.
    More than three years later, the pain of loss remains fresh for Pfannerstill, who holds on tightly to her father, Noel, and her two younger sisters, ages 15 and 11.
    "It definitely is something that affects you every day. There isn't a day in the past three years where I don't think of her," Pfannerstill said.
    "It hasn't gotten easier, but I think I just realize what I need to do to manage it. It's been three years, and I still have moments that remind me of what it was like days after she passed or when she was sick."
    Spicuzza-Pfannerstill was a teacher and coach, and her daughter describes her as independent, fun and warm.
    "She was somebody who was very selfless even when she was very sick," Pfannerstill said. 
    Even with death looming, she took care of others first.
    "There's something so special about a mom when you realize you don't have that bond anymore. It's something you are never going to get over," said Pfannerstill, who keeps certain keepsakes close.
    "I have necklaces she gave me, pictures I've hung up ... it makes me remind myself what I need to do. I write stuff down in a journal if I want to say something to her. Of course she's here looking over me, but it's not in the sense that everyone else has so you have to remind yourself of that."
    Something makes you think Spicuzza-Pfannerstill is smiling as she watches her daughter play for her beloved Vikings. Pfannerstill has had an immediate impact on her team in her first real season with the Vikings after the 2020 campaign was wiped away by the pandemic. The team's libero, she leads the Vikings with 195 digs, an average of 4.24 per set. She also leads the team with a .911 service reception percentage. 
    While the numbers can tell the story of a season for a team, it is the heart and the head that will capture the moment on Friday inside Alexander Gymnasium.
    "This is a game we want to win and we're going to work to win, but we want to think about why. We're not just playing for our team, but we're playing for all of these people who are sick or who have passed away from this disease," Pfannerstill said.
    "I'm unbelievably appreciative of Friday. None of them (coaches, teammates) met her but still want to put something together to honor her and our family. I think Friday is going to be emotionally difficult. I would say I'm doing OK and and handling everything OK, but standing on the court and listening to people talking about her is going to bring up a lot for me. I know I will play well for her."